Missing Lily Page 18

  Rhys blinked twice before shifting his focus to me. “It would be an honor.”

  I reached for his hand without hesitation, knowing I should be more reserved but unable to pass up the opportunity to be close to him. He moved me into the dance and I relaxed in his arms. I was warm and comfortable there.

  We didn’t talk. I couldn’t say why it was he made no attempt at conversation, but my reasons were relatively simple. I refused to make idle chitchat, and anything else I could have said would only complicate our situation. Instead I put my energies toward maintaining an appropriate distance when my body wanted nothing more than to move closer. I tried to enjoy the comfort of being in the arms of a friend, but couldn’t help feeling the tension in his arms, the way he held himself rigid. The hand on my waist kept tightening and then relaxing in what must have been an unconscious gesture. I glanced at his face a time or two, but like me, he seemed to be avoiding eye contact. I wondered if our reasons were the same.

  The dance ended and I tried to smile as he bowed. Then he looked at my face. “It was a pleasure, Princess.” He touched his lips to my gloved hand and escorted me from the dance floor without another word. I felt cold as soon as he left my side.

  “How are you able to stand it?”

  I turned to Ella, reading the concern in her eyes, and shook my head, my fists clenching in an attempt to chase the numbness away. “It’s just…what I have to do.”

  “Don’t you think you should say something?”

  “I want to. I do, but…this was all planned and arranged so long ago. It was his parents’ wish.” And they were dead.

  “Still,” she said gently. “Will you really be able to live with it if you never speak up?”

  It was a question I’d asked myself many times.

  “You were right about his brother,” she observed as Tobias bowed to Lorraina before leaving her side. “There is something not right about that man.”

  The remainder of the ball was relatively painless, but emotionally draining as I tried to come up with some way to address the glaring problem in front of me. I did my best to keep up a bright smile as I bade the guests good night, waving from the front stairs as the last carriages rolled away.

  I rested my hands on my unsubstantial hips and sighed in relief before making my way back into the ballroom. I needed to find my mother, see if she required anything further before I retired. Ella and Gavin had already excused themselves, and I hoped to do the same shortly.

  I leaned against a pillar, more than a little exhausted, and couldn’t help resting my head against it as I watched Lorraina and Rhys speaking with my father on the other side of the hall.

  Footsteps approached from behind, and I realized it was Tobias when he stopped behind me, standing too close. I didn’t acknowledge him until he spoke, his words hitting the back of my neck. “I told you I was doing you a favor.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” My voice was flat, not wanting to know what he was talking about. I didn’t care.

  He laughed softly, only inches from my ear. “You’ll see. I’ve got it all worked out. In fact, my talking to you now should move things along quite nicely. You know how possessive Rhys is.”

  I pinched my eyes shut, wanting to block out his presence.

  “See. Here he comes now.” Tobias’s triumph was for my ears only.

  My eyes snapped open. Sure enough, Rhys and Lorraina had extricated themselves from the conversation with my father and were coming straight for us. I stood up straight and stepped away from Tobias. When they stopped before us, Rhys’s eyes were on me, but he said nothing. He didn’t seem to know what to say, and I wasn’t in the mood for a conversation, especially not with our cozy little group.

  “Lovely evening, wasn’t it?” Tobias commented cheerily from behind me.

  Lorraina cleared her throat. “I’d say it was a success, wouldn’t you, Lord Fallon?”

  Rhys pulled his eyes away from me to look at Lorraina and managed to smile at her. “Your parents outdid themselves. In fact, we should find your mother so that we can thank her properly.”

  “Surely you can spare a moment for your brother and sister,” Tobias said in a low voice. “We’ve hardly seen you all evening. You wouldn’t want us to think that you were purposefully avoiding us, would you?” The fake cheer was entirely gone. The brothers stared at each other, making me more than a little nervous. I didn’t like Tobias including me in his rant.

  Finally, Rhys’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t have time to deal with one of your outbursts just now, Tobias.”

  Tobias’s face turned horribly ugly as his anger came to the surface. I wondered if they were about to come to blows and desperately hoped that wasn’t the case since I stood just between them. I shrank away as Tobias stepped out from behind me. His voice was deadly calm as he said, “Make the time,” before turning and stalking away.

  After a tense moment Rhys gave a fake smile and bowed. “If you’ll excuse me.” He walked after his brother.

  Lorraina and I looked at each other before deciding silently to follow. They had gone through the double doors leading out to the terrace. Lorraina and I stopped in the doorway, unsure if we should be there or not. Tobias leaned heavily on the railing, his shoulders tensed. Rhys approached him, pulling a hand over his face. “Let’s have it, Tobias.”

  Tobias turned to him and sneered. “Whatever could you mean, brother?”

  Rhys grabbed Tobias’s shoulder and pulled him away from the railing. “Quit the act.”

  Lorraina and I stepped onto the balcony at the same time. We stopped several paces from the brothers, not knowing how to approach the situation. We had no experience with brotherly dynamics.

  They had both turned to look at us, no doubt startled by the intrusion.

  Rhys muttered under his breath and turned his back to all of us.

  I expected Tobias to tug on his clothing and turn on the charm. Instead he let his venom out. “Oh look, Rhys. We have an audience. Join us, ladies, by all means. Rhys and I were only having a brotherly disagreement.”

  “Tobias,” Rhys scolded with his back still turned, and Tobias turned on him.

  “Don’t.” The word was scathing.

  Rhys looked to Tobias and slowly pulled himself up. “And what have I done, Tobias?” Rhys opened his arms, gesturing to the world in general. “What horrible misdeed have I committed that so offends you?”

  “I cannot begin to name them.”

  “Then why not tell me why you are angry tonight?”

  “Because, once again, you’ve stolen something from me.”

  Rhys breathed deeply, trying to maintain his calm. “I’ll ignore the implication that I’ve stolen in the past and simply ask what you think I’ve stolen this time?”

  “Her.” He jammed a finger at Lorraina, and for the first time I looked at her instead of the fighting brothers. I had never seen her so vulnerable, so genuinely distraught. “The one girl I have ever cared about.”

  I watched the silent shock transform Rhys’s face. He looked at Lorraina, then his eyes flitted over to me, then quickly back. She closed her eyes, but did not object or deny anything.

  Silence sat heavy in the air. The four of us just stood there, looking from one to the other and back again, each trying to sort it out. It was too much. I took an involuntary step back, then lurched around, forcing myself to move past Lorraina, away from the Fallon brothers. Lorraina reached out and took my arm, but she didn’t try to stop me. Instead she clung to my arm, matching her step to mine and we walked away through the empty ballroom, our footsteps the only sound echoing through the room.

  The silence continued as we made our way mechanically up the stairs. We came to a halt outside of Lorraina’s door. I expected her to go in, but she made no move to open her door. “You can say it,” she finally spoke.

  I opened my mouth, struggling for a response. “I don’t have the words.” There were too many thoughts running rampant around my head. Tobias was in lo
ve with Lorraina? So then she, she, was the lady he had considered abducting? She was the reason he hated us all?

  “I didn’t expect him to say anything.” She looked unsure and uncomfortable, not at all like the usual Lorraina.

  “How long have you—”

  “Months—almost a year.” She stared at the floor. “I never meant for anything to happen. I never wanted him to fall in love with me, and I certainly did not want to fall in love with him.”

  “But you did?”

  She looked up at me and I saw defiance in her eyes. She tried to shake her head but stopped when it almost turned into a nod. I could see the battle raging inside her as she stood rigid, her lips pursed in determination.

  “You know,” I started tentatively, “I don’t believe Father would force you—”

  “Oh, please.” She snapped back to her usual self. “Lowering myself to marrying a lord is bad enough. I’m not going to give him up for his untitled younger brother.” She opened her door and disappeared inside.

  I stood rooted to the spot. She had mistaken my meaning. I would never have advised Raina to marry Tobias; that was the last thing I wanted for her. But to marry his brother was nothing short of ludicrous.

  Chapter 18

  ENTERING THE DINING hall for breakfast, I found Lorraina, Tobias, and Rhys, all sitting in their seats with rigid backs. I sat close to my parents and tried to hide my discomfort as the four of us pretended that everything was normal. My parents dominated the conversation and each of us ‘hm’ed at the right moments and laughed either too softly or too loudly. When we rose from the table, Rhys offered Lorraina his arm, but her hand stuttered as she reached for it. Tobias stood and straightened his coat more forcefully than necessary. His jaw kept moving as though it took great effort to restrain the words gathering in his mouth, and his eyes looked ready to burn holes in the furniture, or in any of us.

  I was in a daze, floating slowly through my movements without any control or direction, my mind fraught with worry over Tobias and what he might do. When my father’s voice broke through my trance, I was getting up from the table. I stopped to focus on him. “Pardon?”

  “I asked if everything is all right between your sister and Lord Fallon.”

  I stood silent, reining in the snippy reply about to escape, before answering calmly. “You’d have to ask them.”

  “I would prefer you tell me. I don’t want to bother them.” How thoughtful.

  “I honestly have no idea if anything is all right with them.”

  He studied me and his brow furrowed. “Are you feeling unwell again?”

  I looked away, worried that he could see my distress, though I appreciated his thoughtfulness. I wasn’t ready to admit my reasons for being upset, so I simply lied. “I’m only tired is all. Last night was...tiring.”

  It took him a moment to accept my answer. “Very well,” he said with a somewhat suspicious perusal of my features. “I have business to attend to.”

  I curtsied automatically. “Good day, Father.”

  Two minutes later, I found myself standing outside Lorraina’s door, knocking.

  She didn’t answer, though I was sure she was there. I wanted to speak with her, to warn her away from Tobias, but knew that any caution I might give would fall on deaf ears. So after knocking once more with still no answer, I turned away, leaving Lorraina to fight her own battle.

  I avoided everyone for the rest of the day, taking my lunch with me when I took Willow for an extended ride. Dinner was another exercise in futile civility, the room filled with tension as each of us waited for one of the others to break, to declare they’d had enough. But the meal ended and my hope dwindled until I heard Rhys’s hushed request to my father.

  “If you could spare a few moments, Sire. There is something I need to discuss with you.”

  My father agreed and I watched them disappear into his study.

  So I waited. I should have gone about my business; I should have been anywhere else. Instead I stood in an alcove, pacing in front of an elaborate tapestry. I could come up with very few reasons for Rhys insisting on a meeting with my father. A meeting that did not include my sister. What else could be so urgent that he would impose on the king’s time? Would he call an end to the farce?

  The meeting was short. The door opened and Rhys strode down the hall, obviously headed somewhere.

  When he noticed me, he slowed, then stopped several paces away.

  And said nothing.

  We looked at each other, nothing more. I couldn’t think of a single word that I was willing to say out loud at that moment. Instead the space between us thickened and started to pulse.

  He held my eyes and took several slow, measured steps—moving past me. He finally looked away and I found my voice. “Rhys,” I whispered. I had no idea what to say next, only that I did not want him to continue walking away from me. He stilled at the sound of my voice and then met my eyes before taking a step toward me, extending his hand.

  “Lord Fallon.”

  Both of our heads snapped in the direction of my father’s voice. He stood just outside his study and handed a note to a page before striding over. “I will see you out.” His voice was gracious, but I could hear the strain beneath and knew something was wrong.

  As I watched their retreating forms, Rhys reached out and left something on a table as he passed by. I followed them at a distance and picked up the folded sheets of paper that Rhys had left, sticking them into the folds of my sash. I stayed on the upper balcony as they descended the stairs to the entryway. Looking down from above, I watched as a servant brought Rhys his cloak and riding gloves.

  He was leaving.

  The huge door closed behind Rhys. I stood still, unable to move. Only after a servant touched my arm and asked after my welfare was I able to propel myself into action. I walked woodenly down the corridor and ended up in the sitting room. I paced for several moments until I started to feel the walls suffocating me. I pushed through the draperies and stepped out onto the balcony, sucking in deep breaths of cold night air.

  He had just…left. I pinched the bridge of my nose, forcing back my emotions.

  The sitting room door crashed open and I reached to pull aside the drapes when Lorraina’s voice exploded from inside the room.

  “What am I going to do now?” I parted the drapes and saw Lorraina pacing in agitation as Tobias closed the door in what could only be considered a haughty manner. She whirled on him. “What do you expect me to do now?” The words were shrill, almost a scream.

  “I would expect that to be obvious.” His voice sauntered along with his body.

  “What?” Her voice mocked as she asked, “Am I supposed to run away with you now?” The anger and frustration rolled off of her in waves, filling the room, crashing against the walls. “Am I supposed to throw myself into your arms and beg you to take me away from here?”

  “I don’t see anyone else lining up, waiting to sweep you off your feet.” His words were still quiet, but I could feel his temper swelling.

  “How dare you—”

  “My brother left!” he exploded, and I flinched. “He’s gone, Raina. He doesn’t want you.” His venom shocked me. Even for the knowledge I had of his character, I never would have thought a man who professed to love a woman would treat her the way he was treating my sister. “But I want you. So why don’t you stop being stubborn and take what I’m offering you?”

  “And what are you offering? You’re an untitled nobody!” Though she nearly screamed in rage, there were tears choking her voice.

  “And you’re in love with me.”

  “You’re pathetic.” Lorraina spoke in a fierce whisper.

  “What’s pathetic is that you have one chance. And this is it. I—am it. I’m your one chance to choose, and you won’t take it!” He was sneering, angry, and I wondered if he might become violent—perhaps even follow through with his plan to abduct the woman he claimed to love—but took comfort knowing that she was surrou
nded by guards.

  “Maybe I don’t want it,” Lorraina whispered viciously.

  “You only wish you didn’t want it.” He stepped up to Lorraina, close enough to touch her. “When really, you want it so badly that it scares you out of your mind.”

  Lorraina swiped the tears from her face and sniffed in determination.

  “I can’t live like this.” She took a step back, shaking her head so hard it must have hurt. “I can’t live like this!” she screamed, and I jumped a little, shocked by her fervor. “I can’t do this every day. I can’t hate you one minute and want to be close to you the next. I can’t do it!” Tobias’s face became stony, defiant. “It’s exhausting. It’s draining to be with you.”

  Tobias stood there, silent and glaring. I wondered if her words were even registering with him. “I need you to leave, Tobias.” His eyes narrowed in disbelief and he took a deliberate step toward her. I tensed with worry, but before he could touch her, Lorraina threw up her hands, screaming, “Now!” and refusing to make eye contact.

  Tobias froze, his eyes going cold as his countenance, his carriage, his very person became infused with disdain. I had witnessed many times the way he bowed to his brother, but the bow he performed for Lorraina was like nothing I’d ever seen. It was long, drawn out, and oozing with mocking disrespect. He swept from the room without a backward glance, his footsteps ringing through the corridors as he made his final exit. Lorraina stood there, stiff and resolute, her chest quivering as it rose and fell, her eyes staring, unwavering at the wall in front of her. It wasn’t until the sound of the massive front door slamming resonated through the castle that she flinched and a tear slid down her cheek. Then she turned and walked away.

  I sat in utter shock, oblivious to the tears trailing down my face. It was a horrible thing to witness. I hated the realization that two people could care for each other and yet lash out with such viciousness, such biting cruelty. If it was this painful to watch, I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be that person, to experience that awful passion.